The Front-Butt is one of the most overlooked human features. When done right, there's nothing quite like it. Pennsylvania is a fine place for bird-doggin' front-butt. Here are a few examples, with pertinent commentary:
The modestly sized front-butt can be a nice accessory. If this woman had to choose between her bottled water, her stylish shoulder bag, or her burgeoning front-butt, there's no doubt what she would choose.
Another important part of any front-butt is display. The tightness of this woman's shorts really shows off her front-butt in a flattering, but modest way. The checkered blouse draws the viewer's attention vertically, straight down from the neckline to the woman's best feature. Note how the front-butt's push against the material forms telltale creases along the front and sides. This is the sign of a perfect fit for displaying the front-butt in the most flattering light.
Here's a treat: not only does this Rascal-owner possess an exceptionally fine front-butt, but also the very rare side-butt. I've only seen a few in my lifetime, and none so well equipped with Rascal protection.
Other than me, Denim is a front-butt's best friend. This old-timer is using a classic technique for accentuating the front-butt's natural curves. As in the photograph above, this proud front-butter is taking extra pains to protect his front-butt by using Rascal transportation.
Charlie Weis, head football coach at Notre Dame, is the poster-boy for American Front-Butters. He's an inspiration to us all.
WHAT NOT TO DO: This person has tremendous front-butt potential (TF-BP), but is going about it all wrong. The loose shorts and long shirt make it impossible for the viewer to see the goods. All of us need to remember to let our front-butts shine forth for the benefit of all humankind.
Unfortunately, some people aren't naturally blessed with front-butts, or TF-BP. There's quite a rancorous controversy surrounding those who elect to use artificial "enhancements" to make their front-butts look bigger. Some people consider front-butt augmentation unnatural, and lament the fact that our modern looks-obsessed society stresses physical appearance so much. Others feel that tastefully done front-butt enhancements are a good way to boost a person's self-esteem.
One common augmentation technique is to wear a "fanny pack." When properly worn, this bag can give the appearance of a well-formed front-butt. Besides being available in a number of colors, styles, sizes, and materials, they are quite useful for storing string cheese and other delicacies.
Although it may appear to be an attractive solution at first, pregnancy is not a good long-term solution for those seeking an augmented or enhanced front-butt.
As a front-butt missionary, I invite many people to try out the front-butt look. Some of us own finely formed front-butts. Others have TF-BP; Even more are going to need augmentation. Either way, it's a lot of fun to explore one's front-butticity.
Chief Rigby has good (but not Tremendous) F-BP.
Zola is still finding her way with her little front-butt. Her facial expression in the first photo makes me think that she disapproves, though.
Drew and Jack - my nephews - are a little too skinny right now, but they are very enthusiastic front-butters. They'll be old enough for augmentation soon - it'll be interesting to see how they deal with the ethical issues.
I hope you enjoyed my front-butt photos.
11 comments:
yikes
Wow, Dirk. You never cease to amaze. I'm inspired...be on the lookout for additional pic's of my own FB as well as a few others within my camera's range.
This information is informative AND important. Well done.
Eeeewwwww! My sisters calls it FUPA (pronounced foo-puh) and it's an acronym for something. I like front-butt...it's easy to use in everyday conversation.
No more sit-ups for me! I'm going to get on my elastic waist pants and proudly display what having 4 babies has blessed me with; A sweet front-butt. Thanks for empowering moms everywhere, Dave!
Changing your dissertation to, "The Front Butt in Ancient Greece"?
Though I do have a love for a good front butt, I prefer a good hungry- bum. Funny post, Dave.
What's a hungry-bum?
And who's "Dave"?
And is that a pretzel, or did your neck throw up?
But I love you, Al.
Dirk, Sweet post. I was laughing so hard that I almost lost my front butt. But don't worry, it is still there. Thanks to those inspirational heros in your pictures, I am now working on my side butt. Many people don't focus on the side butt, but I am. Just wait till the next time you see me. Of and you'll have to ask Allison to explain the whole hungry bum concept. It is a talent to strive for as well. Do you think Asian people have front butts. Just curious.
Dear Spencer,
You have a long ways to go before you can create a side-butt for yourself. I know I haven't seen you in awhile, but I remember you being kind of front-butt impaired (FBI). You can do it, though! I believe in you. Come out here next summer for some deep-fried Oreos and we'll work on our side-butts together.
As for the Asian question, the front-butt is an equal-opportunity characteristic. In fact, some of the purest front-butts in the world are owned by Sumo wrestlers. The Sumo outfit is specifically designed to be interchangeable, front-butt to back-butt. Sumo wrestlers are an inspiration to us all.
I've always preferred the Muffin top which gives you leeway all the way around.
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